I've seen so much finger pointing about what Christians "should" be doing, acting like, saying, or BEING lately..... Like these people have it all figured out and they're the final say so anyway.
SMH.
There are many situations you will be faced with that will require you to choose. Choices are a part of everyday life. And I'll tell you right now, I WILL NOT be guilted into having a relationship with ANYONE because they're calling me out on my faith. Some people think that because you're a Christian, that means you should be a picture perfect image of grace, forgiveness, mercy, understanding, and tolerance. Basically, their definition of this is... doormat. I tend to see this in a different light and want to make clear my outlook on this so we can avoid the afore mentioned hypocrite train.
I know you've seen it. You've heard people talk about it. You may have experienced this in your own life. "Well, since you won't spend time with so & so..." or "Well, the Christian thing to do would be to witness to them, not shut them out." or my favorite, "Well, if you were so Christian, you'd forgive them and continue where you left off."
Ugh. Ok.
First of all, YOU are a child of God. YOU matter. YOU are his treasure. YOUR safety, sanity, and self preservation matter to Him also! What good will you be if you constantly let these naysayers who haven't cracked a Bible in ages tell you what you should be doing to appease them? What good is it to constantly allow yourself to be taken advantage of because you feel guilty by not extending grace (i.e. a relationship) to these people who can't figure out why you won't associate with them anymore? Yes, the Christian thing to do would be to TRY and witness to someone who has hurt you or your family in some way. Usually, people who hurt you unintentionally are worth the efforts to extend grace and forgiveness. Beautiful relationships can be built off of recovery from rocky places. I'm not denying that. What I'm trying to say is, if someone repeatedly hurts you or your family, if they are constantly in a place in their life of negativity, blame, dysfunction, and refusal to own up to it, IT IS NOT YOUR JOB TO FIX THEM. You can try, but let me tell you, until they are willing to change, GOD is the only one who can change their heart. Not you. And you are not required to maintain a dysfunctional relationship with anyone in order to maintain your Christianity. I think that's where the disconnect is. People assume that because you're a Christian that you'll want to repair and smooth over. Forgive and forget. Move forward and continue the relationship. Sometimes that works out and sometimes it doesn't, and that's ok! Sometimes an ending to a relationship is necessary. And just because that day to day relationship may end, doesn't mean that you have to stop loving them, praying for them, and hoping for a reconciliation at some point. There's so much perceived finality in this world! The only thing that is completely final and that matters is your walk with God and where you will be sitting on HIS judgement day. Stop caring so much what other people think of you!
Yes, we can be try to be Jesus with skin on. Yes, we can extend love and grace and mercy. But there comes a point where you have to take an honest evaluation of the relationship and see where you stand. Does the benefit of extending grace outweigh the burden of stress and hurt it's causing you and your family? Remember, if you have children and are in a marriage, God has called you to be a good steward of those and to guard them. What good is it doing to try to repair a broken relationship with a friend or family member if it causes constant stress and strife within your own household? If you have tried and tried again to "fix" a relationship or witness to someone who is constantly negative and has no inkling of wanting to change, when do you draw the line and decide that YOUR family, YOUR sanity, YOUR preservation is worth more than trying to save that sinking ship? I know that's a tough decision, but sometimes, a necessary ending is what it takes to get them to realize that their actions have consequences.
So, back to the hypocrite train. Non-believers are quick to call Christians hypocrites when they refuse to "accept" a certain situation, person, or group. This is where the disconnect lies. There is a big difference in acceptance and involvement. You can accept someone, love them, pray for them, and be there for them without actually hanging out with them on a day to day basis and participating in their daily habits. You can witness to them in many different ways without being their BFF. I think that's the problem. Non believers want us to mesh in with them and live our lives like they live theirs. If we don't behave like they do, then we are hypocrites. If we don't live like they do, we are hypocrites. Where is the logic in that? They feel like we judge them because we choose to not go the places they go and participate in things they do. I've been told that I act like I'm "too good" to hang out with certain people simply because I don't want to participate in their lifestyle anymore. I've never thought of myself as too good to be anywhere, but there are definitely places I won't go and people I won't hang out with simply because I know that it's a risk to my walk and my witness to others to fall into that lifestyle again. It's called self preservation. It's OK to take care of YOU! If people feel judged by your decision to do this, then maybe that's the Holy Spirit convicting them of things they shouldn't be doing either!
There comes a time in your life where you choose. You can choose to lie with the dogs, but you'll definitely get fleas. We are not Jesus, as much as we try to be like him. We are susceptible to temptation and sin. We are sometimes not strong enough to withstand peer pressure and outside influence on our walk with Him. If we can recognize that and avoid people and places that may trigger us, I see that as a good thing, not a hypocritical thing. Think of it this way... It's kind-of like asking an newly saved Christian alcoholic to go hang out and witness to his old bar buddies. That's putting him at more risk than it is benefit. He is not strong enough in his walk to be able to confidently witness to his previous crowd. It would do more harm than good and neither him nor anyone in his previous crowd would learn anything. Now give him some time to grow and strengthen and maybe he can go back into that bar and witness to some people. But that takes time, maturity, & strength, and only God can provide that. Calling him a hypocrite because he chooses not to go into that bar anymore is just ridiculous.
I pray this made some sense and struck a chord with some of you. My final point being: Don't allow someone to guilt you into maintaining a relationship that is harmful to you or your family just because you think it's the Christian thing to do. Most people calling others hypocrites are hypocrites themselves. No one in this world is perfect and we are all just trying to figure out this life. Extending grace and mercy to someone is amazing, but you in no way are required to keep doing this to your own detriment. God loves and cares about your safety and sanity just as much as those who are doing the damage. If you need to step away from a relationship in order to better yourself, maintain your walk, mature in your faith, or become stronger, DO IT. You can always try again later. Hopefully by then, the hypocrite train will have left the station ;)
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