Me, not so much.
Wait, did I just say that again?
I look in the mirror and sometimes all I see is my unfixed hair, my wrinkly clothes that are still a bit snug, my dark circles, and I sigh. I don't have time for makeup. Why bother when I never go anywhere. I wish I could "bounce back" quicker. Whatever that means. I wish the scale would just move a little, then I'd feel accomplished. I wish my hair was not showing that grey! I wish, I wish, I wish.... Sound familiar? This cycle of self destruction comes more often than not when you're sleep deprived, stressed, and trying to diet. But then I look in her eyes and I smile.
I smile because she's smiling at me, sure. But I also can't help but see what she sees. She sees the strong mama that cares for her every need and picks her up countless times a day. She sees the hair that she loves to grab and play with, that tickles her face and makes her laugh. She sees my untoned belly as the safe place she was able to grow and enjoy until her earth side appearance was made. She sees my makeup free face snuggled up to hers, enjoying our time together. She sees ME. She sees true beauty and safety, warmth and kindness, reliability and trust.
Why is it so hard for me to see me like she does?
This is on repeat for all new mamas. I hear it constantly. We are expected by society, but mostly ourselves, to bounce back into shape, have it all together, get back to work, look great, and carry on as if a tiny little world changing human did not just turn our lives upside down. I don't know about you ladies, but I'm so done with those expectations. I want to see myself like she does. We need those family members and friends who remind us exactly who we are. Strong, capable, beautiful women regardless of our hair, clothes, makeup, or weight. And if we don't have those around to remind us, we need to remind ourselves. We have to break the cycle of negative self talk before it consumes us.
The best remedy I've found is to get outside. Walking around with my little one enjoying nature soothes the soul. It allows me to let go of those negative thoughts and replace them with comforting ones. Positivity lies in the simpleness. Stop worrying about all the things you don't like, and focus on the good. Actually, now that I weigh more, guess what? I can lift more! My legs are strong and steady. Not wearing much makeup has made my skin look fantastic. Whether I do or don't fix my hair, I like it most days. I will soon miss the days where she wakes up and needs me. Time flies by too fast, that's a promise. I do a good job at slowing things down and making great memories for our family. I make healthy choices for the most part and I've been able to find balance. My older kids still think I'm cool, for the moment, and we have great talks about their quickly changing lives.
My family is healthy and happy.
Point being, there is SO MUCH GOOD. God has blessed us with more than I could ever ask for. I just have to open my eyes.
~B
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